Well, my week of rest and relaxation has come to an end.
Connecticut is beautiful, and I have enjoyed my stay. I accomplished a few things I set out to do:
I found the gravestone of some long-deceased grandmother (as in centuries ago). This finding, however, may be questionable until I do some more solid searching. Anyhoo, her name was Elizabeth Mathews (or Matthews), and she died here in New Haven in 1684 or so. I took a video of the marker, which had been moved from the Old Green to the Grove cemetery. That's right:
They moved the headstones, but they didn't move the bodies!
From what I can tell, I have other decomposing genetic predecessors under the Old Green in New Haven.
We drove past The Tomb, where the Skull and Bones crew get together on Thursday and Sundays. It was dark and creepy.
Had dinner in Mystic, CT. And no, I didn't eat pizza.
I started my blog!
What was left undone:
I did not make it to the Amistad exhibit. Given that J will likely be here again, I will likely be here again as well.
Explored on my own. Yeah, cold and agoraphobia really don't mix. I did take a walk to Starbucks and to the Big Y, but that was the extent of my ventures. I will do better next time.
So I am going to call the bellman now, get all of the bags downstairs, and head out.
I love traveling, and what I enjoyed the most about this trip was that I really began the process of choosing what I wanted to do, not just doing because I felt I was "supposed" to. I slept in and didn't feel guilty. I ate what I wanted, and worked out when I wanted for as long as I wanted. Finally, I gave myself permission to continue this process when I get home.
There is no reason that everyday can't have moments of a vacation.
Be well,
Kyle
Friday, February 6, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
A little about me and what brought me here.
That's a good question. It is also a question that can't be answered in one post because even I don't have a complete answer. I also have to be content with the possibility that I may NEVER have full comprehension into why I do anything!
That being said, here is a part of my current story:
I am a Pilates teacher/movement educator in my most recent rendition. I have been teaching Pilates (along with Gyrotonic and the Franklin Method) since November of 2002. I fumbled into this profession after coming close to near break-down over NOT working, and I have been going strong ever since. Probably too strong, which is part of what brings me here.
I didn't set out to become a movement educator. Simply put, I had the intention of "finding myself" during a self-imposed sabbatical, and when not working drove me to despondency (I wasn't "contributing"), my trainer at the time suggested I get certified to assuage some of my boredom-induced depression. I agreed, got certified, and began teaching with the caveat that I was only going to work 15 client hours a week.
Fast forward to July 2003, when my then husband elected to quit his job to start a new company. Before any conclusions can be jumped to, I was 110% in support of this decision. But this did trigger fiscal "survival mode" in me. As with all start-ups, you have to go through an "unemployment phase" before funding comes in. I know, I know....this is what "entrepreneurs" DO, but from where I come from, if you aren't getting a paycheck, you are effectively "unemployed."
Being the fiscal conservative I am, I got busy. I broke my 15-hour agreement to myself and went on overdrive. Fortunately (and surprisingly), I can be good at what I do, so I had very little difficulty expanding my clientele to meet a full-time+ workload. I did this, I told myself, to make sure the mortgage was met and to keep the savings as intact as possible. Once again, this was my choice. I worked myself into the ground, believing all the while that I would cut back once the new company was up and running.
Well, the company got up and running. Yet, despite all of my best intentions, I did NOT cut back on my hours. I will explore the reasons for this some other time, but suffice it to say, I broke all sorts of agreements with myself in order to keep my practice thriving. I wore myself out, compensated for my perceived lack of skill and experience with continued trainings on top of my schedule, and lost a big chunk of momentum I had created working on me.
Nearly six years later, a lot has changed:
I am divorced...again.
The company is no longer.
My blood-family is undergoing tremendous changes.
What hasn't changed?
I am still inclined to work like a fiend, although I promised myself I would take this year OFF!
So what brought me here is pretty simple (today).
I want to find the me that got lost between age 5 and 45. I know a blog may not help me with this, but I am hopeful that by creating a forum for myself where I can explore what makes me tick and by putting it out to the tangible universe, I can get some insight and direction. Who knows? I may even invite commentary at some point...when I feel I can handle it.
In short, this is to become my daily ritual. I will write, I will add to my "gadgets" list on the sidebar, and I will seek to attain a higher level of momentum than I currently have in my life.
One thing is for sure on this one:
I have chosen to do this for ME...no one else. And for anyone reading this, if you see me get off-track, feel free to give me a nudge or a smack. I sometimes have to be reminded that it is okay to do something just for me.
Kyle
That being said, here is a part of my current story:
I am a Pilates teacher/movement educator in my most recent rendition. I have been teaching Pilates (along with Gyrotonic and the Franklin Method) since November of 2002. I fumbled into this profession after coming close to near break-down over NOT working, and I have been going strong ever since. Probably too strong, which is part of what brings me here.
I didn't set out to become a movement educator. Simply put, I had the intention of "finding myself" during a self-imposed sabbatical, and when not working drove me to despondency (I wasn't "contributing"), my trainer at the time suggested I get certified to assuage some of my boredom-induced depression. I agreed, got certified, and began teaching with the caveat that I was only going to work 15 client hours a week.
Fast forward to July 2003, when my then husband elected to quit his job to start a new company. Before any conclusions can be jumped to, I was 110% in support of this decision. But this did trigger fiscal "survival mode" in me. As with all start-ups, you have to go through an "unemployment phase" before funding comes in. I know, I know....this is what "entrepreneurs" DO, but from where I come from, if you aren't getting a paycheck, you are effectively "unemployed."
Being the fiscal conservative I am, I got busy. I broke my 15-hour agreement to myself and went on overdrive. Fortunately (and surprisingly), I can be good at what I do, so I had very little difficulty expanding my clientele to meet a full-time+ workload. I did this, I told myself, to make sure the mortgage was met and to keep the savings as intact as possible. Once again, this was my choice. I worked myself into the ground, believing all the while that I would cut back once the new company was up and running.
Well, the company got up and running. Yet, despite all of my best intentions, I did NOT cut back on my hours. I will explore the reasons for this some other time, but suffice it to say, I broke all sorts of agreements with myself in order to keep my practice thriving. I wore myself out, compensated for my perceived lack of skill and experience with continued trainings on top of my schedule, and lost a big chunk of momentum I had created working on me.
Nearly six years later, a lot has changed:
I am divorced...again.
The company is no longer.
My blood-family is undergoing tremendous changes.
What hasn't changed?
I am still inclined to work like a fiend, although I promised myself I would take this year OFF!
So what brought me here is pretty simple (today).
I want to find the me that got lost between age 5 and 45. I know a blog may not help me with this, but I am hopeful that by creating a forum for myself where I can explore what makes me tick and by putting it out to the tangible universe, I can get some insight and direction. Who knows? I may even invite commentary at some point...when I feel I can handle it.
In short, this is to become my daily ritual. I will write, I will add to my "gadgets" list on the sidebar, and I will seek to attain a higher level of momentum than I currently have in my life.
One thing is for sure on this one:
I have chosen to do this for ME...no one else. And for anyone reading this, if you see me get off-track, feel free to give me a nudge or a smack. I sometimes have to be reminded that it is okay to do something just for me.
Kyle
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Greetings from a clear and cold day in Connecticut!
Hello anyone out there...
My name is Kyle Lynn Matthews (aka Kyle), and I have chosen to start a blog as a means to:
Keep my life in momentum.
Give myself a creative outlet.
AND
To find the voice I lost somewhere along my life's path.
First and foremost, I want to thank my sis-in-law for encouraging me in this venture. Next, I want to thank a dear friend and mentor for teaching me about considerations and how to step boldly around them in order to have what you want, even if you stumble along the way. Finally, I want to congratulate myself for following through and setting this blog up...despite my irrational fears in doing so.
My goal is to attend to this forum every day so as to publicly follow-through with my agreements to myself. I tend to fall down on this job often, yet I know that by honoring myself and these agreements, I will be better able to serve others in a free and boundless way.
I hope this day finds you well.
Kyle
My name is Kyle Lynn Matthews (aka Kyle), and I have chosen to start a blog as a means to:
Keep my life in momentum.
Give myself a creative outlet.
AND
To find the voice I lost somewhere along my life's path.
First and foremost, I want to thank my sis-in-law for encouraging me in this venture. Next, I want to thank a dear friend and mentor for teaching me about considerations and how to step boldly around them in order to have what you want, even if you stumble along the way. Finally, I want to congratulate myself for following through and setting this blog up...despite my irrational fears in doing so.
My goal is to attend to this forum every day so as to publicly follow-through with my agreements to myself. I tend to fall down on this job often, yet I know that by honoring myself and these agreements, I will be better able to serve others in a free and boundless way.
I hope this day finds you well.
Kyle
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