A little about me and what brought me here.

That's a good question. It is also a question that can't be answered in one post because even I don't have a complete answer. I also have to be content with the possibility that I may NEVER have full comprehension into why I do anything!

That being said, here is a part of my current story:

I am a Pilates teacher/movement educator in my most recent rendition. I have been teaching Pilates (along with Gyrotonic and the Franklin Method) since November of 2002. I fumbled into this profession after coming close to near break-down over NOT working, and I have been going strong ever since. Probably too strong, which is part of what brings me here.

I didn't set out to become a movement educator. Simply put, I had the intention of "finding myself" during a self-imposed sabbatical, and when not working drove me to despondency (I wasn't "contributing"), my trainer at the time suggested I get certified to assuage some of my boredom-induced depression. I agreed, got certified, and began teaching with the caveat that I was only going to work 15 client hours a week.

Fast forward to July 2003, when my then husband elected to quit his job to start a new company. Before any conclusions can be jumped to, I was 110% in support of this decision. But this did trigger fiscal "survival mode" in me. As with all start-ups, you have to go through an "unemployment phase" before funding comes in. I know, I know....this is what "entrepreneurs" DO, but from where I come from, if you aren't getting a paycheck, you are effectively "unemployed."

Being the fiscal conservative I am, I got busy. I broke my 15-hour agreement to myself and went on overdrive. Fortunately (and surprisingly), I can be good at what I do, so I had very little difficulty expanding my clientele to meet a full-time+ workload. I did this, I told myself, to make sure the mortgage was met and to keep the savings as intact as possible. Once again, this was my choice. I worked myself into the ground, believing all the while that I would cut back once the new company was up and running.

Well, the company got up and running. Yet, despite all of my best intentions, I did NOT cut back on my hours. I will explore the reasons for this some other time, but suffice it to say, I broke all sorts of agreements with myself in order to keep my practice thriving. I wore myself out, compensated for my perceived lack of skill and experience with continued trainings on top of my schedule, and lost a big chunk of momentum I had created working on me.

Nearly six years later, a lot has changed:

I am divorced...again.

The company is no longer.

My blood-family is undergoing tremendous changes.

What hasn't changed?

I am still inclined to work like a fiend, although I promised myself I would take this year OFF!

So what brought me here is pretty simple (today).

I want to find the me that got lost between age 5 and 45. I know a blog may not help me with this, but I am hopeful that by creating a forum for myself where I can explore what makes me tick and by putting it out to the tangible universe, I can get some insight and direction. Who knows? I may even invite commentary at some point...when I feel I can handle it.

In short, this is to become my daily ritual. I will write, I will add to my "gadgets" list on the sidebar, and I will seek to attain a higher level of momentum than I currently have in my life.

One thing is for sure on this one:

I have chosen to do this for ME...no one else. And for anyone reading this, if you see me get off-track, feel free to give me a nudge or a smack. I sometimes have to be reminded that it is okay to do something just for me.

Kyle