Guilt for a neglected day.

I didn't post yesterday; I broke an agreement with myself.

I was tired and really not in the mood. Tonight, I am preparing to leave town and all I want to do is shower and get cozy. The flight is early, and most of my packing is done, but I will do the regular anxious crap I always do ahead of leaving town.

So, singular reader, I am going to leave this post short, but with a list of topics to cover:

Potential for a new studio

Relaxing my throat and tongue...you know, for singing.

Friends who listen to grousing.

Misplaced loyalty.

AND the list goes on...

/half-masting eyes

Kyle

Holding your ground...

Remind myself about this tomorrow...sticking to your guidelines for behavior from self and others is very important.

More on this tomorrow...tired now.

K

A quiet day..

Today was pretty darned grand.

Grand because it was simple. Grand because it was low on drama. Grand because I got a decent night's sleep. Grand because I spent zero time fretting about anything.

The objective is to have more of these days. Grand.

Moi

Whose homework is it?

I am new to the whole "near step-parent" thing.

I never intended to be a real parent, as in birthing a real live human, but it seems as though I have acquired a couple of wee ones by proxy.

One of the "little-uns" is in 3rd grade, going on 4th. Big homework is starting to come her way. As in her "Explorer's Project", where she selects an explorer to research, write about, and create a map to illustrate his voyages. To a road-weary 45 year old, this is a no-brainer. But in a 3rd grade universe, it is huge.

Fortunately, this kid wants to do her own work. Unfortunately, one of her parentals seems hell-bent on making sure her daughter look GREAT and BRILLIANT and PERFECT for her classmates and teachers. Why unfortunate? Well, as I understand it, 3rd graders are supposed to do their OWN homework. Yet in this case, it became the case that "Mom" became so "excited" that she "helped" her daughter out. Helped so much that, in fact, the work wasn't her daughters, but hers.

Don't get me wrong: Helping people is good. But doing it for someone else? Give me a break.

So this weekend, we all spent time re-creating a map, thinking that this was the only thing that required a re-do. The first map was great...too great. So she got to do again, all by herself. There were tears, fibs, confessions, and in the end, a sparkly new map.

But the drama didn't stop there. Another portion of the assignment required the drafting of a letter from the explorer to someone back at home. This is where my advice to parents comes in:

If you are going to write a fictional, yet factual, letter for your child's homework, make it accurate:

• Don't write a letter to an unborn child.
• Make sure the supplies taken to the New World are things that you can get in the country of origin...not items indigenous to the place you are traveling to.
• In referencing gifts from unborn children, make certain you describe what they are really designed to do.
• Get your travel times right.

I now understand the biggest reason for not doing your kid's homework. Chances are good that you aren't quite as smart as they are. Worse yet, if you aren't as smart as your kid, and they have to present YOUR inaccurate and continuity-challenged work, it will be your kid who looks like the idiot. Is that really what you want for your children?

Let your kids do their own work. Let them skin their knees; be ready with the Bac-Tine. Encourage them to do better each time. Remind them that perfection cannot be had, only attempts that can get closer to that mark. Finally...

Give them the chance to show you up.

Now, where's my apple?

KLM

Imposed compliance for whose gain?

I was recently invited to attend a training "update" for one of the techniques I teach in my movement profession. I love to attend educational events to get new information so as to improve my skills as a practitioner.

What I don't love and quite candidly resent is when something is represented as one thing, when, in fact, it is a very different animal.

There is little point in revealing who I perceive to be the offender in this case. Suffice it to say that a major "educational" event in my industry smells strangely of a "trade-show" event where I have been asked to part with some of my cash to be "sold" on different methodologies.

What irks me most is that I was sorely tempted to do this, because I was being offered the opportunity to take courses with several people I respect and admire. But when I heard that the presenters themselves aren't being compensated for their time or travel costs, I had to ask myself:

Where does the buck stop? Whose pocket does this go in?

In today's economy, everyone is looking for ways to bolster their bottom line. Hell, people are scrambling to save their bottoms...period. And I understand that folks who have products/ideas/programs to sell need to promote their wares. But do tout these events as educational (which, in part, they may be) versus marketing is quite unethical to me.

Case in point: I want to take an update training for one of my certifications. This update training is taking place not independently of said forum, but is mixed into the curriculum. I can't just take the training; I have to pay for the entire day to get a four hour update. On top of that, I have now been informed that the person doing the update isn't getting compensated for his work. How does this work?

Here is a person who needs to promote their body of knowledge to get more people involved, i.e. get them to pay for training. I get that. But for me to pay some other organization to get a training where the person doing the work doesn't get squat (he doesn't need for me, or any other trainers, to be sold on his methodology...my finances readily show that I am a devotee of his methods) seems a trifle insane.

Fortunately, I can and will say no. I will wait for an update on my the materials when I know the person creating and teaching them will be fiscally rewarded for their efforts.

In times like these, "Buyer Beware" needs to take on a new and more vigilant meaning. Everyone is uncertain, and worse, many more are very frightened about what comes next with a near and dear friend...their wallets. I encourage anyone who is being told that they "must do" this or they risk professional death and/or dismemberment to pay very close attention to the fine print and any rumors that lead to a falling sense in their gut. Your gut is likely right, and if your brain still isn't sure, ask questions.

Your wallet will thank you.

K

Home again, home again...

...back in the the fray.

I returned home, picked up my dog (Az has been at the kennel for a week and is too SKINNY!), and got my head ready for what can best be called re-entry into my professional life.

This evening, I attended a meeting of the United Pilates Collective, formerly known as the Bay Area Pilates Collective. I wasn't so sure I was going to attend, but being duty-bound by my RSVP, I went.

I am almost always glad I do these things. I get to reconnect with others in my profession, catch up with them, lament our mutual woes (economy, anyone?), and have the privilege of sharing time with others who really want to make a difference in people's lives.

What this post is really about are two people: Nancy Myers and Tracy Sylvester. Ladies, if I spelled your names wrong, my apologies. These two remarkable women have taken it upon themselves to bring together a group of professionals that is in need of unification. To date, they are doing a bang-up job of it.

These two are doing this all gratis. That's right; they do it for free. From where I sit, it appears they are pouring their hearts, souls, and finances into creating a productive and beneficial organization that works to serve the Pilates professional. The thing I find so refreshing and remarkable is the fact that they want to be able to provide potential members with a list of services...tangible benefits...BEFORE they actually sign-up members.

Thus far, they have hosted most of the events, done all of the research, acquired health insurance for future members (remember, there is no paying membership as yet), and have become the process of putting together relevant committees to help create an organization that works for the professional and not the other way around.

Labours of love. Where the heck did they go? Maybe I am too cynical, but I find that people like Tracy and Nancy are pretty tough to come by:

Committed
Generous
Hard-working
Inclusive

So tonight's post is for all of you out there, like Nancy and Tracy, who are willing and able to dedicate their most valuable asset...THEIR TIME...to make something happen that will benefit such a large group of people. And for those of us who think we SHOULD be doing something? Let's get off of the fence and step into it, whatever "it" may be.

Give.

As long as it is positive...

...just give.

Kyle

Packed up and heading out!

Well, my week of rest and relaxation has come to an end.

Connecticut is beautiful, and I have enjoyed my stay. I accomplished a few things I set out to do:

I found the gravestone of some long-deceased grandmother (as in centuries ago). This finding, however, may be questionable until I do some more solid searching. Anyhoo, her name was Elizabeth Mathews (or Matthews), and she died here in New Haven in 1684 or so. I took a video of the marker, which had been moved from the Old Green to the Grove cemetery. That's right:

They moved the headstones, but they didn't move the bodies!

From what I can tell, I have other decomposing genetic predecessors under the Old Green in New Haven.

We drove past The Tomb, where the Skull and Bones crew get together on Thursday and Sundays. It was dark and creepy.

Had dinner in Mystic, CT. And no, I didn't eat pizza.

I started my blog!

What was left undone:

I did not make it to the Amistad exhibit. Given that J will likely be here again, I will likely be here again as well.

Explored on my own. Yeah, cold and agoraphobia really don't mix. I did take a walk to Starbucks and to the Big Y, but that was the extent of my ventures. I will do better next time.

So I am going to call the bellman now, get all of the bags downstairs, and head out.

I love traveling, and what I enjoyed the most about this trip was that I really began the process of choosing what I wanted to do, not just doing because I felt I was "supposed" to. I slept in and didn't feel guilty. I ate what I wanted, and worked out when I wanted for as long as I wanted. Finally, I gave myself permission to continue this process when I get home.

There is no reason that everyday can't have moments of a vacation.

Be well,

Kyle

A little about me and what brought me here.

That's a good question. It is also a question that can't be answered in one post because even I don't have a complete answer. I also have to be content with the possibility that I may NEVER have full comprehension into why I do anything!

That being said, here is a part of my current story:

I am a Pilates teacher/movement educator in my most recent rendition. I have been teaching Pilates (along with Gyrotonic and the Franklin Method) since November of 2002. I fumbled into this profession after coming close to near break-down over NOT working, and I have been going strong ever since. Probably too strong, which is part of what brings me here.

I didn't set out to become a movement educator. Simply put, I had the intention of "finding myself" during a self-imposed sabbatical, and when not working drove me to despondency (I wasn't "contributing"), my trainer at the time suggested I get certified to assuage some of my boredom-induced depression. I agreed, got certified, and began teaching with the caveat that I was only going to work 15 client hours a week.

Fast forward to July 2003, when my then husband elected to quit his job to start a new company. Before any conclusions can be jumped to, I was 110% in support of this decision. But this did trigger fiscal "survival mode" in me. As with all start-ups, you have to go through an "unemployment phase" before funding comes in. I know, I know....this is what "entrepreneurs" DO, but from where I come from, if you aren't getting a paycheck, you are effectively "unemployed."

Being the fiscal conservative I am, I got busy. I broke my 15-hour agreement to myself and went on overdrive. Fortunately (and surprisingly), I can be good at what I do, so I had very little difficulty expanding my clientele to meet a full-time+ workload. I did this, I told myself, to make sure the mortgage was met and to keep the savings as intact as possible. Once again, this was my choice. I worked myself into the ground, believing all the while that I would cut back once the new company was up and running.

Well, the company got up and running. Yet, despite all of my best intentions, I did NOT cut back on my hours. I will explore the reasons for this some other time, but suffice it to say, I broke all sorts of agreements with myself in order to keep my practice thriving. I wore myself out, compensated for my perceived lack of skill and experience with continued trainings on top of my schedule, and lost a big chunk of momentum I had created working on me.

Nearly six years later, a lot has changed:

I am divorced...again.

The company is no longer.

My blood-family is undergoing tremendous changes.

What hasn't changed?

I am still inclined to work like a fiend, although I promised myself I would take this year OFF!

So what brought me here is pretty simple (today).

I want to find the me that got lost between age 5 and 45. I know a blog may not help me with this, but I am hopeful that by creating a forum for myself where I can explore what makes me tick and by putting it out to the tangible universe, I can get some insight and direction. Who knows? I may even invite commentary at some point...when I feel I can handle it.

In short, this is to become my daily ritual. I will write, I will add to my "gadgets" list on the sidebar, and I will seek to attain a higher level of momentum than I currently have in my life.

One thing is for sure on this one:

I have chosen to do this for ME...no one else. And for anyone reading this, if you see me get off-track, feel free to give me a nudge or a smack. I sometimes have to be reminded that it is okay to do something just for me.

Kyle

Greetings from a clear and cold day in Connecticut!

Hello anyone out there...

My name is Kyle Lynn Matthews (aka Kyle), and I have chosen to start a blog as a means to:

Keep my life in momentum.

Give myself a creative outlet.

AND

To find the voice I lost somewhere along my life's path.

First and foremost, I want to thank my sis-in-law for encouraging me in this venture. Next, I want to thank a dear friend and mentor for teaching me about considerations and how to step boldly around them in order to have what you want, even if you stumble along the way. Finally, I want to congratulate myself for following through and setting this blog up...despite my irrational fears in doing so.

My goal is to attend to this forum every day so as to publicly follow-through with my agreements to myself. I tend to fall down on this job often, yet I know that by honoring myself and these agreements, I will be better able to serve others in a free and boundless way.

I hope this day finds you well.

Kyle